


Romance in the Key of Pie Natural: The Seduction of Kent Parson

by emmawalters



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Gratuitous use of texting, Kent really loves pie, M/M, tater really can't bake (at first)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 17:25:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7324162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmawalters/pseuds/emmawalters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kent loves Vegas, he really does. He loves his teammates, loves the grounding heat, loves the energy of the city.<br/>Kent also loves pie, though, and the best pie he knows is across the country being made by his ex-boyfriend’s boyfriend. So Kent also hates Vegas, because Bitty doesn’t live there, and Bitty is great, and makes great pie.<br/>But Bitty isn't the only one sending Kent pie, and this may or may not be a good thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Romance in the Key of Pie Natural: The Seduction of Kent Parson

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AmandaCritelliWestphal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaCritelliWestphal/gifts).



> Why have i never done a mixed media fic before? this was super great! (Although formating all those tweets and texts was a pain in the ass!!!)  
> I hope you like it!!!

 

 **Mashed Tater** _@amashkov07_

I have friend who is baker. He try to teach, but many things wrong, i think. #therealstruggle

_10:03 AM | June 31, 2017_

 

\---

 

“C’mon, Kit, not again!” He groans as she starts gagging, arching her back and digging her paws into the carpet. When the vet said the anesthesia after her surgery might make her ill, he didn’t think it meant he was going to have to replace his whole carpet.

Half of his team was out drinking, celebrating Ace’s birthday, and Kent was cleaning up cat vomit. God forbid he ever have a child, honestly, he wouldn’t make it. Cat puke was bad enough; dirty diapers would give him a heart attack.

“This is what I get for being a good person,” he tells the empty room. “Cat vomit and a missed night of drinking.” Kit, now sniffing her own vomit, doesn’t even grant him a response. “I’m getting a dog," he calls after her as she pads out of the room. “Don’t think I won’t do it!”

Across the apartment, Kent can hear his phone chime. Staring at the pile of vomit, Kent decides it can wait a moment, going to grab his phone.

 

From: Jack _(8:16 PM)_

If you get a pie in the mail, you probably shouldn’t eat it.

 

To: Jack _(8:17 PM)_

what did i do to bitty this time?

 

From: Jack _(8:22 PM)_

Bitty didn’t make it.

 

For a moment, Kent thinks Jack is sending him a pie. But when Jack bakes, he’s making homemade protein bars and his own granola. Jack makes kale chips, not pie.

 

To: Jack _(8:25 PM)_

who’s sending me a pie then?

 

From: Jack _(8:27 PM)_

I’ve been told I have to keep that a secret.

 

Well, isn’t that something? A mystery individual is sending Kent a pie he shouldn’t eat.

 

To: Jack _(8:30 PM)_

thanks for the heads up i guess?

 

Kent knows that Jack read his message, because he has read receipts on. He also knows that Jack probably didn’t respond because he’s a dork who doesn’t understand how conversations work. Maybe it’s an anxiety thing, or maybe it’s a Jack thing. It’s hard to tell the difference, sometimes.

 

\---

 

 **Kent Parson** _@kentparson91_

Even when we’re on different teams, @jlzimmermann is still a great friend.

_8:32 PM | June 31, 2017_

 

 **Jack Zimmermann** _@jlzimmermann_

@kentparson91 You’re all right, I guess.

_9:27 PM | June 31, 2017_

 

\---

 

Kent doesn’t really think about the pie, after that, until it shows up in his mailbox.

It’s a monstrosity, really. It might be the ugliest pie he’s ever seen. The crust is lumpy and blackened, and the filling is practically water. There’s no return address, but the shipping label says it shipped out of Providence.

 

To: Jack _(11:21 AM)_

why does one of your teammates hate me?

To: Jack _(11:21 AM)_

what did you tell them about me?

To: Jack _(11:22 AM)_

is snowy going to try and fight me when the season starts?

 

Kent looks between his phone and the pie.

 

To: Jack _(11:22 AM)_

was someone trying to send me a birthday gift?

 

From: Jack _(11:27 AM)_

It’s apple and you need to tweet a thank you, otherwise Bitty isn’t sending you his birthday pie.

 

To: Jack _(11:28 AM)_

who sent me this cursed pie?

To: Jack _(11:18 AM)_

i tweet nothing until i know

 

The dots pop in and out of existence for a moment.

 

From: Jack _(11:30 AM)_

Tater wanted to wish you a happy birthday.

 

Again, Kent looks between his phone and the pie. It really is hideous. It might be the ugliest food he’s ever seen, and not just the ugliest pie.

With a sigh, he opens his Twitter app. Bitty had promised him apple cheddar pie this year, and he isn’t risking that.

 

\---

 

 **Kent Parson** _@kentparson91_

Thanks to whoever sent me the birthday pie! You’re lucky it’s the off season.

_11:32 AM | July 3, 2017_

 

\---

 

From: Jack _(12:14 PM)_

Thanks. Bitty just posted your pie.

 

\---

 

Kent assumes that’s going to be the end of it. Mashkov got to feel good about himself, and Kent committed his not-at-all selfless good deed of the day.

And then, he gets another pie.

 

\---

 

 **Mashed Tater** _@amashkov07_

did not know it was possible to get flour everywhere. Is even under my nails and behind ear!!!

_3:42 PM | July 21, 2017_

 

\---

 

To: Jack _(1:34 PM)_

why did mashkov send me another pie?

 

From: Jack _(1:36 PM)_

He thinks he’s gotten better.

 

A quick examination of the pie reveals that, while the crust is still burnt, it’s less so, and it’s also less lumpy. The filling is different this time, maybe cherry? It’s mostly mush, but it’s not liquid, so that’s a plus. Kent's almost brave enough to try a piece of this one, but he's got things he can't miss tomorrow, so he can't really risk food poisoning. 

 

To: Jack _(1:39 PM)_

he has honestly

 

From: Jack _(1:43 PM)_

You could always tweet your “mystery baker” a thanks.

 

To: Jack _(1:44 PM)_

who thought it was a good idea to teach you about twitter?

To: Jack _(1:45 PM)_

when you’re not captain you’re a giant suck up

To: Jack _(1:45 PM)_

you know that right?

 

Jack just sends back the “OK” and the “cool” emojis. He’s both offended that he doesn’t warrant a real response, and proud that Jack can even use emojis.

 

\---

 

 **Kent Parson** _@kentparson91_

Got another pie from my mystery baker. Your crust has greatly improved!

_1:52 PM | July 23, 2017_

 

 **Hockey Trash** _@letsgoaces_

@kentparson91 OMG if i send you a pie, will you marry me?

_1:53 PM | July 23, 2017_

**Baker God** _@lokipiesmith_

@kentparson91 Where can we send you pies???

_2:17 PM | July 23, 2017_

**Eric Bittle** _@omgcheckplease_

@kentparson91 Are you telling me I need to up my game? #donttestme

_3:42 PM | July 23, 2017_

 

 **Kent Parson** _@kentparson91_

@omgcheckplease Is it even possible for your pies to get better? #pleasesendpie

_3:52 | July 23, 2017_

 

\---

 **Mashed Tater**   _@amashkov07_

baker friend gave me new knife for birthday!! much better to cut fruit with, but also finger, haha!!

_2:14 PM | August 13, 2017_

 

**Eric Bittle** _@omgcheckplease_

Please be careful, Tater! Remember the knife skills we talked about!

_3:06 PM | August 13, 2017_

\---

 

The thing about the pies that Tater send him, is that they really do get better. The crust starts coming out less and less burnt, and the fillings start coming out the right consistency. 

Kent thinks the ingredients are getting fresher, too. The first peach pie Kent got definitely used canned peaches, but on this most recent one, Kent is pretty sure they were fresh.

 

\---

 

To: Bitty _(12:32 PM)_

Are you still helping Mashkov with his pies?

 

From: Bitty _(12:37 PM)_

He’s still sending you those?

From: Bitty _(12:37 PM)_

Heavens! Could you send me a photo?

 

So Kent does, all while digesting the fact that Bitty didn’t even know Mashkov was still sending him pies. It’s been months now. Either Kent’s the best test subject he has, or Mashkov is sending him pies for a reason.

 

From: Bitty _(12:42 PM)_

I don’t know if I should be mad he didn’t ask for help, or proud that he did that all on his own.

 

To: Bitty _(12:43 PM)_

Any idea why he’s sending them?

 

Bitty reads his last message, but he never responds, which means that Bitty knows, he just can’t say why.

Kent is more curious than he was when the first pie showed up.

 

\---

 

 **Kent Parson** _@kentparson91_

Mystery Baker is still going strong! The season is coming soon, though. #dietplanskillme

_1:02 PM | August 17, 2017_

 

\---

 

 **Mashed Tater** _@amashkov07_

big hands have trouble making little things. lattice crust already hard enough, haha!

_4:17 PM | October 5, 2017_

 

\---

 

A few days before their home opener, Kent gets a package of mini pies, and if it weren’t for the lack of return address, he would swear they were from Bitty. They’re near immaculate, crust golden brown and latticed gently. After warming one up in the toaster oven, Kent almost cries, they’re so good.

Looking back at the photos of the first couple of pies, it’s honestly amazing how far Mashkov’s baking skills have come in the last few months.

He knows there’s no way he can eat them all, not on his diet plan. So he boxes them back up and brings them to practice. Afterwards, when he passes them out, Kent almost wishes he hadn’t.

“Your mystery baker has really upped their game, Parsley,” Colt yells from across the locker room. “Do you think she's as good looking as her baking?”

And there’s no good way to answer that, really, because Mashkov is attractive, and the team knows he’s bi, but Mashkov is another story.

(Not that there’s any correlation between gays and pies, it’s just- Kent has been thinking more and more about these pies as declarations of love. He recognises this likely isn’t true, and he’s trying to stop himself from romanticizing people, because Dr. Graham says it isn’t good for him. He’s got to stop holding the people around him to such impossible standards, but that doesn’t stop him from picturing Mashkov, rolling pie crust and trying to bake love into it.)

But, either way, while Mashkov has decided to announce to the world that he’s an avid baker, Kent isn’t even supposed to know it’s him.

“Haha, I guess we’ll have to find out when they carve their face into the nact pie crust, won’t we?” He jokes, his pronoun choice careful, and all of the guys laugh with him.

 

\---

 

Apparently Kent’s teammates aren’t patient. He’s not even sure why he’s surprised by this fact.

 

\---

 

 **A Colt 45** _@jacobcolt_

To @kentparson91’s mystery baker: Please marry him. The team doesn’t want to lose your pies.

_7:53 PM | October 7, 2017_

 

To: Colt 45 _(8:11 PM)_

what the fuck

 

From: Colt 45 _(8:13 PM)_

Dude, chill. It’s not like she’s actually going to come forward, right?

 

To: Colt 45 _(8:14 PM)_

its not a she

 

For once, Kent would like to just have a nice thing not get fucked up. 

 

From: Colt 45 _(8:14 PM)_

shit

 

Kent doesn’t bother to reply. Instead, he throws his phone into the couch, grabbing his iPod and lacing up his running shoes, thankful that the sun is almost set and the stifling heat of the day is beginning to fade.

His angriest running playlist hasn’t been used in a while, but he queues it up, because he need to be mad right now. If he’s mad now, he won’t explode at Colt later. Dr. Graham is always telling him to find outlets for his most intense emotions, so that he doesn’t take it out on the people around him.

Kent thinks he’s getting better. The street lights light the road just enough that he doesn’t trip over his own feet, and the screaming in his ears starts to calm the screaming in his head.

 

\---

 

He has two missed calls from Colt 45 and a text from a unknown number, when he gets back from his run an hour later. He doesn’t call Colt back, shooting him a text instead.

 

To: Colt 45 _(9:24 PM)_

sorry i missed your calls i needed to take a step back. im not mad but could you chill it on the joke about him? i know who it is

 

Then, he checks the other text.

 

From: (401) 514-5487 _(8:27 PM)_

so i am hearing your teammates are liking my pies haha?

 

Kent adds him as a contact.

 

To: Alexei Mashkov _(9:31 PM)_

yeah they really like them. youve come a long way from your first one!

 

From: Alexei Mashkov _(9:43 PM)_

and you are having no idea who i am?

 

Isn’t that a tough question to answer. Because he doesn’t want to lie, but he also doesn’t want to throw Jack under the bus.

But, now that he’s thinking about it, Mashkov’s baking has become a joke around the hockey world, and every time Mashkov tweets, he gets a pie. It wouldn’t be hard to figure out.

 

To: Alexei Mashkov _(9:48 PM)_

i have a pretty good idea. just didnt want to tell the guys

 

From: Alexei Mashkov _(9:52 PM)_

having any requests then?

 

To: Alexei Mashkov _(9:58 PM)_

how about sweet potato pie?

 

And that’s the smoothest Kent has been in a while. He’s really proud of it, actually. It’s proof that he knows who Mashkov is, a subtle attempt at hitting on him, and an answer to the question, all in one carefully crafted sentence. Plus, Kent actually does like sweet potato pie.

He waits for a bit, to see if a reply is going to come, but Mashkov doesn’t even have read receipts on. Kent just assumes that he fell asleep, deciding to climb into bed himself. He doesn’t even bother to protest when Kit tries to share his pillow.

 

\---

 

 **Mashed Tater** _@amashkov07_

@omgcheckplease what is sweet potato pie? what is sweet potato?

_10:07 PM | October 7, 2017_

 

 **Eric Bittle** _@omgcheckplease_

@amashkov Oh, honey. I’ll send you some links.

_10:36 PM | October 7, 2017_

 

\---

 

Kent doesn’t see the tweet until later, and when he does, he can’t stop smiling.

 

\---

 

When the Aces place the Falcs in Providence, Kent walks into the guest locker room to find a pie bos sitting in his stall. Kent knows what it is, and when he picks it up, the rest of the team seems to know, too. This one is signed. “To Kent, From Alexei.”

“Mashko is your mystery baker?” Colt asks gently, as if he’s aware how awkward all his jokes about marriage must have been, now.

“The first one was a birthday gift,” Kent says, answering the question by ignoring it. “He’s gotten so much better since that burnt, watery mess.”

“When’s the wedding?” Ace jokes from where he’s putting on his goalie pads. Kent doesn’t answer, pulling out his phone instead.

 

\---

 

To: Tater _(1:13 PM)_

glad to know you believe in me that much!

 

From: Tater _(1:17 PM)_

what are you meaning?

 

To: Tater _(1:21 PM)_

you baked me a victory pie!

 

\---

 

 **Mashed Tater** _@amashkov07_

hope you drown your sorrow in my pie after we crush you!!!

_1:26 PM | October 13, 2017_

 

 **Kent Parson** _@kentparson91_

@amashkov07 Hope you made one for yourself!

_1:32 | October 13, 2017_

 

\---

 

The Aces win, because of course they do. Kent’s all ready to head back to the hotel after press, pie box in hand, but someone calling his name stops him.

“Kenny!”

Turning, he expects to see Jack, seven years younger, and instead finds Mashkov at the end of the hall. He waves the rest of the team on. If he misses the bus, he’ll just take a cab to the hotel.

“Hey, Tater. I haven’t had any of the pie yet, but I’m sure it’ll be delicious.” He seems nervous, Kent realises the longer he watched Tater, all jittery energy and shifting limbs.

“Maybe we both eat after dinner?”

Kent smiles.

“That sounds great.”

 

\---

 

Dinner _is_ great, and when they finally get around to it, limbs entwined on Alexei’s bed, the pie is, too.


End file.
